From the Registers

Funerals

20th March 2003, Holy Trinity, Boltby. Gwen Sigsworth, 73, who lived all her life in Belmont House, Sutton. Our best wishes to her husband, Reg, and the children, Michael, Wendy and Nigel.

May 2003

Can the Church keep the balance between the ideal and reality? Can we practise what is preached without the appearance of a heavy hand putting people off? There is nothing new about cohabitation. Many people just get on with life and if the Church makes them feel guilty then they give the Church a wide berth.

In the 20 years that I have been here, cohabitation has become more open and widespread. Society is less inclined to lock up its daughters, or set great store on virginity. However, cohabitation is not a stepping stone to marriage: in fact, many do not make marriage that way. Now, in marriage preparation, I find I have to allow for the fact that banns will be called from the same address - and no eyebrows raised. So I have to encourage couples to make a conscientious gear shift, from “living together” to holy matrimony.

What is holy matrimony and how do we sell it? It is an offering of the union to God and acknowledging that 2 people are entering into God’s creativity - by putting together and completing what God, in Adam and Eve, divided and started. (As Eve was made from the oils taken out of Adam and the flesh was re-united in their union, so we, of our own free will and choice of partner, go on completing the process.) Thereby a couple also accepts the discipline of focussing on each other for life - to strengthen their hearts and minds and so grow together. The union is sealed in the Church, and acceptance of the covenant of Holy Marriage (itself a reflection on the covenant we have with Christ through our baptism and confirmation - further sealed by the taking of communion) opens the eyes of the couple to where God’s blessings are to be found and how He speaks to us through Christ and generally.

So in marriage preparation I am meeting people where they are, and guiding their choice to get married. In the process I hope they are challenged to think and they are helped to find God’s will - not only will they find their union strengthened but also that they will find a strength of purpose with the help of the Holy Spirit.

There is little teaching in the Bible about marriage, and no clear guidance about the rituals and content of wedding services. Yes, there is the obvious yardstick of avoiding fornication and adultery. Gratification never comes cheap! Much of the commentary on the sanctity of marriage has to be understood in the light of the ancient understanding (not acceptance!) that women were property, and shop-soiled goods had no value. Furthermore ancient biblical societies could indulge in more than one wife, and there were added codicils of taking into your household your brother’s widow, etc., etc.

 

Too often the people of the church forget that Jesus said very little about marriage, that the gospels contradict each other on divorce, and that Jesus forgave people. Too often the Church is failing to love the sinner and so failing the sinner. In preaching values, the Church needs to be clearer where we are coming from, and where we are going to, so that the rites and ceremonies are valuable and helpful - not a hurdle to jump or avoid. (We do little to help the issue by referring to blessing same-sex unions as marrying. There would be less confusion and greater value retained on marriage if same-sex unions were celebrated as an act of commitment: it is hard to bless what scripture condemns! However, what scripture may frown on does not mean it does not happen.)

I see cohabitation less as a mark of a fallen world but more a sign of laziness and lack of commitment. If Christian Society stood up more for marriage and Christian values in general, especially in school, and taught them more clearly and with conviction - rather than funking it, out of political correctness and the English habit of understatement - people would be a lot clearer and society more cohesive. When not enough teaching takes place, suppositions and half-truths pervade - so it is hardly surprising that many avoid the added value the Church should give, to their relationship, because they feel guilty or rejected or both. Finally there is a need to teach in schools the value one places on oneself - this is part and parcel of why confirmation can be linked to attaining the age of consent, so that when there are pressures on the young there are alternative ways of working out a response.

If we were more steeped in our faith we would realise that we lived it out anyway! The New Testament contains the idiom of Christ the bridegroom and we, the Church, as the bride. In other words, our faith is rooted in the stability of marriage and a healthy family life as the norm. Equally as much insight into a good marriage can be gained from a healthy ongoing faith and our relationship with Christ.

It is all there but is not taught so in so many words. Like most aspects of faith it has to be lived, prayed about and meditated upon! After 5 husbands the woman of Samaria, by the well, may have had enough, but she “missed out” twice over. Not only did cohabitation fall short of the mark on many counts but also on finding Jesus she found so much more as well. Food for Thought.

 

P.S. Could the government do more to encourage marriage through better tax breaks and less emphasis on those who opt out? Is it worth writing to your M.P. on the matter? T.H. (and perhaps also mention “The Rates”? Ed.)

“The State of the Countryside 2020” - Comment

There is a new government paper out about the future of rural life, but, like all these magic websites, it is not there. I read up a summary in the newspapers but it seemed very wishy-washy and had the same air of sanitisation that the RSPCA seeks to bring to hunting. I have always said the typical sort of Hillside village should increase by 4-6 houses a decade depending on its original size. That way, the slow increase adapts to changes in village requirements whilst new arrivals have time to adapt to rural life and values, and absorb something of the local community spirit. The proposed large development schemes not only swamp the village but reduce it overnight to suburbia. The whole infrastructure needs to expand more slowly but more steadily. T.H.

Download or order the report here (e-ed!)

A.P.C.M.S. 1. Felixkirk with Boltby

Tony Nicholson retired as Churchwarden, with our thanks for his 14 years of service. He was voted Church Elder. There being no other nominations, William Frank was re-elected for Felixkirk and Terence Allinson and George Bamford for Boltby. Treasurer Audrey Stephenson and Secretary Michael Heywood, along with Deanery Synod Representative Angela Summerfield, also re-elected.

Total funds: Unrestricted £44,842 Restricted £19,639. Felixkirk is looking into obtaining sound amplification; the fabric is sound. Boltby: the damp in the west end seems to be dried out and the fabric is sound.

2. Kirby Knowle

All officers re-elected.

Accounts:

Expenditure £9,432 with balance year end £1,398

Income £9,432 with balance year start £6014

Church attendance had increased along with an increase of services so collections had risen by £415! Fabric O.K. but wiring needs replacing at a cost of £2500. Now the boiler works it makes a lot of difference, and to the organ as well. Altar linen/Frontals are short but help offered. Much energy went into discussing future fundraising.

3. Cowesby to follow when a/cs complete and also anticipating a fabric appeal for new guttering (£6,000), much re-pointing, and re-cladding spire with slates (£,00000000s).

The magazine of the parishes of Boltby, Borrowby, Cowesby, Felixkirk, Kepwick, Kirby Knowle, Knayton, Leake & "The Siltons". Also circulated in Upsall, Thirlby & Sutton-under-Whitestonecliffe.
The Vicar in charge is Rev.Toddy Hoare,
The Vicarage, Moor Road, Knayton, THIRSK, YO7 4AZ Tel: 01845 537277
Contributions always welcome, deadline 2nd Monday in the month
Editor Curtiss Cottage, South Kilvington, Thirsk 01845 522739