As I contemplate retirement there is an irony in that the church press currently carries many articles and letters debating my age group and our fate. Much as I love the Church of England I do not wish to be totally controlled by her, but to be a free spirit and develop as such. Hopefully a meagre pension can sustain the next phase and enable Liz to achieve her full potential. I hope, too, that the C of E, and many others not under the church's umbrella, will benefit from the future efforts of us both. I hope also to keep a foot in Yorkshire by continuing as the Chaplain to the Yorkshire Agricultural Society.

The work as a parish priest has been very varied and I have enjoyed the freedom to operate as best it seemed, being where I could be useful and draw on my experiences and delegate where I might prove a handicap. That still leaves areas where things have not flourished brightly, notably children, but I do not have the usual C of E hang-up about that as first and foremost children are the responsibility of their parents and I have encountered many of them through the local schools and beyond over the years. I started with 3 primary schools and the smallest was 15% Muslim!

Often there is resistance to the parish priest, mainly by having to say "No" to avoid being dictated to or pushed about. This priest is not for pushing! The same resistance is encountered also because of the tunnel vision of one parish over against the needs or space of another, or through the need to build up a bigger picture of God's Kingdom, or because people are basically selfish and their starting point is number 1 until you can help them to see otherwise. In many ways the priest is the Father in God, whatever his age, and the roots of this are expressed in the celebration of the sacraments and the performing of the occasional offices. The parishes in turn are like one's own children, both independent but also inter-dependent, and you have to balance the needs of one against the needs of another but love them all equally and for themselves at the same time. It's a bit like seeing one child doesn't pinch all the sweets. Not the easiest of balancing acts at any one time as any parent will know, and like any child each parish has its own character and temperament, which I have tried to cultivate and enjoy. The success of any parenting can only be measured in the end product!

We have enjoyed the house, and are grateful for it, the area and our neighbours, and have made some good friends. Sorrel and Felix will be sad that we are moving on, as it is the only home they have known so far. I hope my 24 years have given some stability in a very mobile society and my attempts to help you to understand and respond to the gospel have not fallen on deaf ears. Food for Thought has been stimulating and the impetus will continue. Christmas and Easter, though hectic, have always been rewarding.

What are my abiding memories? I have a treasured picture which sums up most of it and that is of the outside of Kirby Knowle church after the Blessing of the Hounds and all those who participate in Fieldsports, for there the Church began to mean much more to many others, over and above it's regular supporters. In the early days, before shooting became so commercial, the steering group, such as it was, seemed to meet out in the field! Doing a special service by candlelight at Over Silton for Japanese TV. My early team which included a retired professor of theology, Anthony Hanson, and a resident nun, Sister Pamela Hatch.

Enjoyment? My many churchwardens at any one time and even more over the years, and I've still not managed to do all their heads! They've been the backbone of some fun exhibitions reaching the other side of the pond too!

Of satisfying ministry? Trying to help and support the farming community through the Foot & Mouth, and then 2 years ago trying to help those devastated by the floods, if only with a couple of roses and the means to help restore their own ruined efforts in their gardens (the one thing not insured.).

And the worst moments, barring tragedies and funerals? Taking a wedding, having done my best at their preparation and knowing ten minutes after the service that it will soon fall apart. That is when you feel really helpless. It's tickled me that I have signed more gun licences than I have done baptisms but if that is what folk want, so be it. Perhaps the baptisms I have done have a greater impact than the sausage machine approach.

It has been a privilege and not a burden to preach week by week, and I have tried to make you think! Always the sermon that I think has it all seems to leave folk unmoved and the one that I have agonized over and I feel is short of the mark is well received! And of the future? Use the strengths of your priest more and find out what they are. Us priests are under-used as a resource, but we are trained for it, so use us for advice, for counselling and confession, to better achieve your own wholeness. If we find ourselves floundering we have a whole network at our disposal to draw on and with which put you in touch to your best advantage.

Toddy

The magazine of the parishes of Boltby, Borrowby, Cowesby, Felixkirk, Kepwick, Kirby Knowle, Knayton, Leake & "The Siltons". Also circulated in Upsall, Thirlby & Sutton-under-Whitestonecliffe.

Contributions always welcome, deadline 2nd Monday in the month

Editor Curtiss Cottage, South Kilvington, Thirsk 01845 522739